Bernard Dahl > Thinking Out Loud

La pression de devenir un leader, tu connais? Spécifiquement, cette pression qui te demande de faire preuve d’initiative, d’assumer ton leadership? On nous parle de changer le monde, de mener, d’inspirer… Je parie que oui, tu la connais, cette pression. Moi, en tout cas, je la sens.

Soyons clairs; ce n’est pas une mauvaise chose en soi. Nous avons besoin de leadership et nous avons besoin de gens qui veulent faire avancer les choses et oui, changer le monde. Mais, alors que ça fait des années que je me force à mener, j’ai allumé récemment; une réalisation; une épiphanie.

Alors que j’apprenais à être un leader, je n’ai jamais appris à être dirigé.

Pas facile, d’être un « follower ». J’aimerais bien te dire le contraire, te dire que je prends facilement la direction, que j’accepte un rôle de soutien avec humilité, mais ça serait faux. Ça arrive, mais pas assez souvent.

J’ai de la difficulté à laisser quelqu’un d’autre être le chef. J’aime être le capitaine, le quart-arrière. C’est égoïste, sûrement, peut-être même immature, mais néanmoins vrai. Et ça ne fait pas du tout mon affaire. Pourquoi ai-je tant de mal à être le numéro 2?

Je pense que les grands leaders sont ceux qui acceptent qu’ils ne puissent pas toujours être le capitaine, le chef.

Un peu comme Russell Crowe dans Gladiator – tu te souviens, au début du film? Il a mené ses troupes au combat et à la victoire, rendant  immédiatement cette victoire à César avec noblesse et humilité. 100% à l’aise dans son rôle de serviteur de l’empire et du patron. J’aimerais pouvoir faire ça, être comme ça.

J’ai l’intention de développer cette capacité; d’être un meilleur soldat. De distinguer les moments où je serai à mon meilleur en acceptant un rôle de service et de soutien, ainsi que ceux où je dois prendre les devants et assumer le leadership.

Je n’ai aucune idée de comment m’y prendre, mais je trouverai bien. As-tu des idées?

Ever felt it, that pressure to become a leader? You know, to be the type to take initiative, and to assume leadership? This pressure to lead, and to change the world? I bet you know exactly what I’m talking about. I assure you, I feel it too.

This, in essence, is a good thing. We need leadership and we need people to step forward, and change the world. But, after years pushing myself to lead, I came to a realisation;

While I was learning how to lead; I never learned how to be led.

Truth is, I am not a great follower. I wish I was, I wish I could take direction better, and accept a second level role with humility. Sometimes I do, but not always.

It’s not easy to let someone else be “the man”. I like being the captain, the quarterback. Selfish, really, maybe immature, but true nevertheless. And I’m not thrilled about this. Why do I have such a hard time being number 2?

I think great leaders are those who understand that they can’t always be the captain, the chief.

Kind of like Russell Crowe in Gladiator – you know, early on in the movie? After leading his troops to battle and glorious victory, he turns around and immediately hands the victory to Caesar with nobility and humility, totally accepting his role as a servant of the empire, of the boss. I wish I could do that; be like that.

Though I’m not certain how to go about it, I intend to develop this ability – to be better at being a soldier, and to know when I should lead, and when I need to be led. And that’s that. Any ideas?

The whole fake it ‘til you make it approach is bullshit. It’s a great way to load up credit cards, with the hopes of somehow magically making it big, at which point you’ll laugh at your money problems of yesteryear, hang out with Diddy in St. Maarten and light cigars with 1000$ bills dipped in Beluga oil.

Hey – it might happen. Then again, it might not.

I saw two guys on skateboards, rolling onto the Place des Arts in Downtown Montreal. One looked cool and indifferent. His friend, on the other hand, seemed a little more apprehensive, less confident on his board. Nervous, even. If you had to bet on one of the two to be a good boarder, of course, you would bet on the first. He looked the part. Might have been faking it, to be fair, but he looked pretty smooth.

About looking smooth;

Wanna look like a million bucks? Then walk like a million bucks. A good tailor helps, but you need the walk. Even then, though, you’re still faking it, even with the walk (unless you have a million $…). So let me save you about 10,000$; here is what I have learned: Looking like a million will get you into the party – that’s it. Once you’re there, you actually need to know how to dance. How to play. How to have an impact and “help” others. Like the skateboarder. At some point, he needs to know how to “roll” (?). Otherwise, you’re just “Brice de Nice“.

So find a way into the game, but make sure you can actually play once you’re there – otherwise you are wasting everyone’s time – especially yours.

Does this make sense?

Sometime after 3 AM, between Thursday and Friday, 2010-ish
Those few extra beers I had now prevent me from sleeping
I felt it; this sudden urge, this need, this calling
I wanted to start, to stop
To begin and to end
Like I knew I was moving, yet not really going anywhere
I was adrift in the river of my life

I have since had many more nights to think about it,
Many more beers to drink about it
As I slowly begin to spite the things that own me.
And the sentiment prevails.
At this point it is practically taunting;
It is asking me to become me
To hold the promises I made to myself 

Tempus fugit, big guy.

.

.

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*True story. This idea is also shared on bonsvivants.org, an upcoming (casual) poetry project.

It’s election time in Canada, which makes me ask: where did you learn how to vote? I mean really.

I’m guessing most of us never really learned how to vote, we just added up the sum of details thrown at us by our surroundings, no?  Here is what seems required to be a good politician: 

• Pays his taxes on time
• Wears a dark suit all the time
• Never uses bad words. Ever.
• Has never been unsuccessful in business
• Has never been TOO successful in business either
• Never  been near bankruptcy at any point, because only fools go bankrupt.
• Certainly shouldn’t be poor …should seem wealthy, sort of.
• Never smoked pot in High-School
• Has never stolen anything, certainly doesn’t have a criminal record.
• That goes for illegal downloads, too.
• Should be well-traveled…
• …but not first-class, you corrupt bastard.
• Doesn’t speed up to catch a yellow light. In fact, never got a speeding ticket
• No tattoos.
• Doesn’t cheat on her spouse, or get cheated on
• Should be married, because being unattached is wrong
• Doesn’t watch porn. Never have, never will.
• Might be a virgin. At least, devoid of sexuality. No Mo-Jo. Mo-Jo is bad.
• Never got drunk and mooned a busy street, while waiting for a cab with his jackass buddies
• Never grabbed some guy’s ass on camera (Facebook OMG!!)
• Has at least one university degree, 3 is better, and is probably a lawyer
• And on and on and on…

Sound like anyone you know? Me neither. Sounds more like Optimus Prime, who is, in fact, an ethical robot who transforms into a truck. Cool, yes, but not real.

So, who comes up with this crap?  By these standards, virtually none of the people I know could be politicians. Life experience, anyone? Why do we measure people we don’t know with these standards, let alone give them power over our lives and communities? No wonder people are cynical and generally numbed-out about politics…

Notice how many of these “standards” are negative?  

I’m not saying we should vote for unfaithful, pot-smoking, bankrupt, bermuda-wearing criminals with a sailor’s mouth, I’m saying MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND. Don’t believe the hype. Bring your own standards to the table, ask your own questions – you’ll make better decisions – whatever they may be. Come up with your own ideal politician. F$#% the system. (and the Decepticons)

Catalyst: Early March. A woman smashed into my car on the highway, while I was on my way to brainstorm with Anthony Lacopo about his new radio show, The entrepreneur. The Jag was a total wreck, though everyone was fine. Annoyed with car ownership and car issues and car in general, I decided “Fuck the car”. It’s spring, I’m getting a bike, I’m going to walk and use public transit – and the BIXI service.

Fast forward to yesterday, when I had to get to a networking event in the morning (Note to self : I hate 7:30 networking events…). Could have taken my bike. Should have taken my bike. Didn’t take my bike. “It’s practically raining”, I rationalized.

Fact is, I tried to picture myself arriving on my beat up hipster bike with a suit, or maybe something more casual, and I had a hard time figuring out what I’d say to those who saw me. I was pretty sure they’d be surprised, and that I’d somehow have to justify arriving on a bike, instead of my former, fancier means of transport. How retarded is that? Honestly. How sad. Like I owed them something… It hit me that if I had been anywhere else in the world, Amsterdam, Barcelona, Buenos Aires, Wherever, it would have been a non-issue. I would have just gone. But here, in my town? People know me. People know what I stand for. People expect things. The Bernard Dahl brand is very specific.

I built a personal brand around bullshit, I think.

You see, I have perfectly executed a flawless positioning strategy, where my personal brand is clearly defined, comes with expectations, and I usually deliver on those expectations.
I’m the eloquent, stylish, (relatively) young business guy who works hard and plays hard. I’m well connected. I’m money.

Except that I’m not.

That’s not who I am. Not really. At least, not exactly. Yesterday I felt the pressure to live up to the image I have created of myself, for others, regardless of what I really wanted to do. And that really blows. A lot. In fact, it blows “big time”. So I won’t do it. You see, I really do look forward to biking around, and to doing the stuff I feel like doing; things that may not fit into the existing Bernard Dahl brand. Besides; I’ve got enough “fuck you!” inside me to last a few decades, so I’ll thumb my nose at my brand’s expectations, and I’ll have fun simply becoming “Bernard”, however that may turn out. I feel like I just opened a fortune cookie that was baked just for me. Twitter, in its infinite crowd-sourced wisdom, said it best; “Just do your thing. Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” So there.

Alright, I have to go; I’m riding my bike to the SAQ to get two bottles of Rosé Rioja, spring is here.

 Quelle est votre stratégie personnelle sur LinkedIn? En avez-vous une? Pas toujours évident d’identifier le réel bénéfice d’être sur un réseau comme LinkedIn, n’est-ce pas?. Ouais, tout le monde le fait,et puis?

Pourquoi êtes-vous sur le réseau LinkedIn? Vous en servez-vous? Faites-vous de nouveaux contacts?  Avec une simple stratégie, un professionnel peut en retirer énormément, de ce réseau.

Dans mon cas, par exemple; je n’aurai sûrement jamais 2 000 connexions sur LinkedIn. Ce n’est pas mon but d’ailleurs.  Si vous trouvez ridicule qu’un gars avec moins de 500 connexions parle de stratégie, rien ne vous oblige de continuer votre lecture de cet article.

Toujours là? Cool! D’abord, je connais personnellement presque tous les gens sur mon réseau LinkedIn. Dans ce sens, je m’en porte presque garant. Pas directement, mais quand vous voyez, sur LI, que le lien entre vous et un autre individu est Bernard Dahl, j’aimerais que ça ait une certaine vérité et une certaine valeur. J’amerais qu’il s’agisse d’un VRAI lien, d’un VRAI contact.

Mon objectif / but n’est pas toujours de rencontrer des prospects pour mon entreprise de relations publiques à Montréal*, mais tant mieux si ça débloque.

Les connexions que je ne connais pas personnellement sont des conférenciers que j’ai écoutés, des gens qui font des choses que j’admire, don’t j’aimerais mieux comprendre les circonstances et parfois le parcours professionnel. Ce sont aussi des gens avec lesquels il me semble logique de me rapprocher, d’initier le contact.

Cette approche plus exlusive n’est peut-être pas pour vous; il y a des gens qui aiment mieux s’en servir comme “dépôt de cartes d’affaires” et gestionnaire de contact. Rencontre quelqu’un, ajoute le sur LinkedIn. Mon problème avec cette approche est surtout qu’à part la génération de SPAM, il y a peu de chances que ça m’aide à avancer vers mes objectifs professionnels ou persos.

Conclusion + action :

Essayez-ça, d’être très sélectifs avec les gens que vous ajoutez. À la limite, tous ces étrangers avec qui vous êtes connectés, envoyex-leur un message. Quelque chose comme “Nous sommes connectés sur LinkedIn, mais je ne me souviens pas des circonstances de notre rencontre. Pourriez-vous me rafraîchir la mémoire?. Ça serait con de le garder comme contact si vous ne communiquez pas; encore plus s’il ne retourne pas votre message.

Au pire, si , après l’avoir essayée, cette approche n’est pas pour vous, vous pourrez facilement remonter votre nombre total de “contacts”  en 2 ou 3 activités de réseautage…

Pour être exclusif, ça prend des exclus. Donnez une valeur à votre réseau et à ceux qui s’y trouvent. On se fait dire de bâtir sur du solide, alors, bâtissons!

*Shameless SEO

You do or you don’t.

Don’t waste time with the rest.

At least, don’t waste my time telling me about it if you ain’t doin’ it. Might as well spare your friends too. So, you know, just do it.

Now.

Start.

What if you treated your life as a work of art?  If everything about your life were pieces of your artistic vision?

Magritte's "Son of Man", a little different

How much time and energy would you invest in canvasses that no longer interest you?

How many times would you do the same work, over and over, hoping for a different, more satisfying result?

Who’s advice would you seek and genuinely consider? Whose wouldn’t you? What about criticism?

What would you explore, and how would you explore it? How often? How much?

What would you stand for?

What would you create? What would inspire you? Who?

If you grew tired of dancing, would you learn to sing? From painting to sculpture? From writing to acting? From poetry to playwright, from screenplays to operas?

What goals would you have? Which would you drop?

How would you define survival? Success? Failure? Control? Happiness? Satisfaction?

Where would you live?

Who would be important to you? Who would you hang out with? Who would you see less and less?

Now what if you learned that you had only 12 months to live? How would you answer these questions? What would you do next?

Il m’arrive trop souvent d’utiliser mes formules habituelles pour affronter la nouveauté (nouveauté peut vouloir dire nouvelles rencontre, nouveau problème, nouvel environnement). Je crois que ma réaction,  quoique instinctive, est erronée. Et c’est normal, notrre cerveau est programmé dans ce sens; “Ai-je déjà vu ce genre de problème? Quelle solution a fonctionnée? Comment apppliquer cette solution à ce probême?” Vous vous reconnaissez?

Même chose pour nos outils; qu’il s’agisse de la pub, du diachilon, du communiqué de presse, du marteau, du bistouri, du chocolat… Si tu connais bien un outil, il deviendra ta solution à tous les problèmes (un chirurgien recommande souvent la chirurgie, un physio recommande souvent la physio, etc.)

C’est normal.

Mais si, comme moi, vous commencez à en avoir marre d’appliquer les mêmes formules, alors je vous propose les phrases suivantes - Un petit clin d’oeil à nos voisins, qui ont des défis politiques de taille, ces jours-ci.

“The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate for the stormy present
(…) we must rise with the occasion
As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew
We must disenthrall ourselves and then, we shall save our country”

-ABRAHAM LINCOLN, annual message to Congress, December 1, 1862